Tu Me Manques (I Miss You) Uncle Fred

I first came in contact with my Uncle Fred Dailey in 1978 when I was 18 years old. My father told me stories about his older brother but we'd never met. In fact, Fred didn't even know that I existed. Dad and Fred were estranged for reasons that simply don't matter anymore. I've been thinking for some time that maybe they never did.

Uncle Fred as a young man

February is Mardi Gras month in New Orleans. My grandmother said I could come stay with her. I arrived in New Orleans to find that Mardi Gras had been canceled due to a major public employee strike. This just led to a more outrageous festival and interesting experience for a young woman who'd never really been away from home on her own before. In addition to going to Mardi Gras, I had a plan. I knew Fred lived in New Orleans and I wanted to find him. Back in 1978 there were no cell phones. Everyone used a home phone and the white pages which were kept in handy cupboard. I found my uncle's name in the phone book and boldly dialed his number. Fred answered right away. I explained that I was his niece and that I wanted to meet him. Fred told me he did not have any nieces. I told him that I was Wendell's daughter and he said, "Oh my god! I didn't even know you were alive!"

We met at a fancy restaurant in the French Quarter where we had a wonderful time chatting and getting to know each other. Fred was charming and attractive, a gentler but flashier version of my dad. There was no question they were brothers. When the bill was laid on our table I took it. Fred was taken aback and said he would pay. I declined and told him that I didn't come for him to buy my meal. I came to get to know him and all I wanted from him was his time. Fred invited me back for Mardi Gras the next year. This time I stayed with him. Over the years we shared thousands of letters and emails. I connected with him for all of the major events of my life. Each time I needed him, he gave me his time without hesitation. We became very close. 

In 2009 Dave and I drove down to Ocean Springs, Mississippi for Katrina relief work at Camp Victor. We stopped off in Mobile Alabama to see Fred and his partner Ron on the way there. They had moved there about 10 years earlier. It was the first time I had met Ron. We hit it off immediately. Uncle Fred was the glue!

Beth, Fred, Dave, and Ron in Mobile 2009

When we began our sailing journey aboard our Alberg 35, Mystic, Fred followed us closely. He texted me regularly, checking in on our voyage. He couldn't wait for us to pop out of the inland waterway into the Gulf of Mexico at Mobile so he could see us aboard our sailboat. He and Ron met us at the convention center dock the day we arrived. We were very lucky to spend five months in Mobile Alabama living aboard our boat. Each week, Uncles Fred and Uncle Ron would pick us up and take us on adventures, including antique stores, the flea market and Bellingrath Gardens. One of our very favorite things to do with my Uncles was sit on their porch to share stories and watch the world go by. Our frequent visits with Fred and Ron were always fun. They took us along on their weekly Friday lunches with friends. They were so proud of us and we were so blessed by their love and attention.

Ron & Fred meet us at the Mobile Convention Center

Ron and Fred Turner Marine Mobile

Ron and Beth at Winzell's for lunch

Ron, Dave and Fred at Stagecoach Cafe

Fred, Beth and Dave

Dinner in Pensacola with Uncle Ron and Uncle Fred 2017

The Live Oak tree at Ron and Fred's house

Uncle Fred's morning spot

I recently got a message from Fred informing me that he'd had his DNA tested through ancestry.com. He said he was sorry to inform me that we are NOT Irish; however he was certain that we are French. With the last name Dailey, I have identified as being Irish my entire life! I quickly wrote back and said, "YOU may not be Irish but I AM!" This Christmas our kids bought us ancestory.com DNA kits and we tested ourselves as well. It turned out that I am a whopping 4% Irish; exactly twice as Irish as Fred. I looked at my close connections (relatives) on ancestry.com but couldn't tell if Fred was on my list because many people don't use their real name. I asked Fred to look at my connections list to see if he was on it. He WAS! With a twinkle in my eye I said, "Well, after all these years, THAT's a relief, huh?" He just smiled and nodded at me.

We were able to spend a couple days with Fred and Ron this April, just before they left on a cruise to Bermuda, the Azores, Port of Gibralter and Spain. They took us to Biloxi Mississippi to see their new condo on the Gulf. They were so proud of their new place and enjoyed giving us a tour of the facilities. We had dinner at Mary Mahoney's, a fancy restaurant referred to as The Old French House. It is known for it's locally sourced seafood and romantic courtyard dining options. I was still in the black boot, healing from my broken leg. I wasn't walking very well. Uncle Fred and I both got up to use the bathroom. I asked him if I could lean on him. He offered his arm but after only a few steps he suddenly dropped both hands to his waist. With a look of shock on his face he barely stopped his pants from dropping to the floor. He'd had a zipper/button malfunction. We laughed so hard together. Every time I think of it I fall into a fit of giggles. This is how I want to remember my Uncle Fred!

Dave, Fred and Ron Biloxi condos 2018

Fred at Mary Mahoney's, Biloxi

On June 9th 2018, my beloved Uncle took his final cruise from this life to the Promised Land. He went quickly, without warning, just as he would have liked; no lingering, no suffering. We drove to Mobile to be with Uncle Ron and say goodbye. It was so very hard on us all.

Death has a way of making people act out of the ordinary. Grief is anguishing and an individual process. We each take a different path in dealing with our sadness. What is right for one may not work for another, but no one can compare or measure loss. Fred was laid to rest in a marble mausoleum at the historic Magnolia Cemetery in Mobile. It's a beautiful place that we will feel comfortable visiting. There was no service and only a few were invited to the internment. Fred would have loved a party but it was not our place to request this.

During our visit, I fielded calls from friends who told me how much they loved Fred; how he made them laugh; how they respected him. Fred had a reputation of adopting the people around him. He was compassionate, generous and nurturing. Family was important to him, even though his own family was not present in his life; except for me.

Fred and Ron have collected many beautiful possessions over the years. Uncle Ron asked me if there was anything in the house that I would like to have to remind me of Fred. I graciously declined. From the day I found him, my uncle gave me what I needed and wanted; he gave me his time. After some thought I decided that there was one thing that I would like; something precious, maybe Fred's most prized thing; I wanted my Uncle Ron! I asked Ron if that would be ok; could I keep him in my life to help me feel close to Fred. Ron replied, "Certainly, I feel the same way. You were his favorite." I responded, "As were you!"

My Uncle Fred was a character. Everyone loved him. He was gregarious and outgoing, always the life of the party. He was the instigator, eager for an adventure! He lived life BIG! Fred loved to tell stories, stretching out the details and embellishing the funniest parts; to the delight of his audience. He enjoyed being in the kitchen, cooking and baking, and would send me long text messages listing his five course menus. He wore crazy socks, picking the most colorful and/or silly ones that he could find. He had a ton of clothes and was fond of shopping, especially when he could get a good deal. He adored jewelry and wore flamboyant diamond rings that brought attention to him, which he loved. We laughed each time he mentioned that diamonds are a girl's best friend! He joked that his favorite color was gold, as in the precious metal; but I knew it was really purple, the color of Louisiana State University where he went to college. Fred and Ron enjoyed cruising around the world including trips to Spain, Ireland, Panama Canal, and Alaska. They seemed to collect a slew of new friends on each cruise.

Fred on a recent cruise

Fred was like a father to me and stepped up each time I needed his support and insight. I cherish each memory and each moment and I'm still in awe of how much we have in common. Life will not be the same without him. I am going to miss him dearly!

Crazy socks I made for Fred

Fred wearing crazy socks
(photo by Ellen Reynolds)

Fred on his porch in Mobile

Fred with Rhonda and Scott Joiner
our buddy boat friends on Mucho Gusto

Dave, Ron & Fred at Bellingrath Gardens

Dave & Fred, Bellingrath Gardens

Dave, Fred & Ron, Bellingrath Gardens

Dave, Fred & Ron walking through Bamboo
at Bellingrath Gardens

One of my favorite photos of
Uncle Fred & Uncle Ron at Bellingrath Gardens 2017